Highway to Hell

by Saul Bloodworth

Recently, John McCain had an appearance in one of these late night comedy shows — I believe it was Letterman, but I'm not sure — were he was joking about earmarks. He said he had never voted for an earmark in Washington, DC. In fact, when he became Senator, Arizona had hundreds of miles of federal highways, and now it has next to none.

Guess what: He was not joking! I arrived in Arizona today, and when you cross the border, coming from New Mexico, the Highway 10 suddenly disappears! Well, not completely, but it turns from a well-maintained street into a bumpy road, lined with potholes. It reminded me of the GDR in the 1980s, when they were already broke. Obviously, so is Arizona.

I then took a left turn to get into the Chiricahua Mountains, very scenic (and pretty hot, too), however, the road, that was not very impressive to begin with, turned into a dirt road! Dirt road really meaning a stone-and-stick road. I was driving a rental, and I haven't changed a tire since, like, Jim Morrison died, if at all.

I finally arrived at a coffee place in a tiny town called Portal, and the very friendly lady that runs it gave me a makeshift map. Guess what: pretty much all the roads in the Chiricahua Mountains are dirt roads.

So, thank you, John McCain. If my flat tire isn't covered by my insurance, is there any address I can send the bill to (probably not 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I hope)? Also, I filled the tank with $50 worth of gas, so give my regards to your twin brother, George W. Bush.

To end on a high note, here is a joke my nephew told me: A sailor lands on the coast of Tasmania (far, far away, farther than Australia). He finds a strange looking bottle, and as he opens it, a Dschinn appears.

The Dschinn: Sailor, you have freed me. I will grant you a wish - anything at all!

The Sailor: Well, I would like you to build a highway over the Pacific Ocean, all the way from Tasmania to San Francisco.

The Dschinn: Uhh ... well, a highway across the ocean, tens of thousands of miles? Well, I am a Dschinn, buts thats quite an endeavor. Is there anything else you might care for?

The Sailor: Ok then. I want to understand women.

The Dschinn: Do you want you highway with six or with eight lanes?